An·tic·i·pate

an·tic·i·pate: to foresee and act in advance of

  Less than a week until Thanksgiving...only a couple of weeks until my birthday...only a month or so until Christmas...and (hopefully) only a little while before we get to come to Colorado!  In this season of so much to anticipate, I find myself feeling so many different emotions.  I am feeling so excited for various reasons.  I am feeling nostalgic as I reflect on this holiday season a year ago, or 5 years ago or 25 years ago.  I am feeling impatient as I wonder if these days will really ever arrive.  I am feeling accountable, wondering if I have made the best investment of another year of life, of years pouring into this community through ministry.  I am feeling a little nervous as I think about the unknown that is to come in each of these situations & upcoming weeks.  AND I am feeling guilty and frustrated with myself and sad for my soul.  In all of this anticipation, I have been convicted that I have failed to truly anticipate & understand the ONE event that is truly to be anticipated above all other events.  Seriously, only a few other events in ALL OF HISTORY can compare to this one...Jesus is coming back!  

   Last Sunday at church, our pastor was preaching from 1 Thessalonians and talking about the Day of the Lord, and how Christ will come back to rescue His bride when we least expect it.  And it hit me - if I am honest, I have been anticipating a lot of other things more than this.  And it breaks me.  Makes me feel guilty, makes me realize how much further I have to go to better understand the Gospel, makes me sad to realize that I have been enjoying and anticipating earthly pleasures more than God intended me to.  My anticipation, excitement, expectation of these seasonal, earthly events should pale in comparison to my anticipation of my Savior, my King, my Lord, my Jesus coming back to earth.  

    I remember anticipating my wedding...getting ready to have my family come & stay with me in my house, making sure all of the details for the wedding & reception were ready, taking time to help make sure our Swazi family had a way of getting to the wedding, and then in the days before the wedding, making sure my dress was fitting well, working on decorations, finalizing the plans for the honeymoon.  I remember waking up so early on the day of my wedding, thinking about Mxolisi and our life ahead.  And that is barely a bit of the beginning of how much God wants us to anticipate Christ's return.  
    And so as I sometimes wonder why this process of getting to Colorado is taking so long, I am realizing how much more the Lord wants to teach me, not only about His perfect timing, but also about waiting, anticipating, and trusting in His sovereign timing.  As we enter the season of Advent and reflect back on the first coming of Jesus, God with us, God is inviting us to prepare our hearts once again and anticipate when He will come again.

"For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now.  And not only the creation, but we ourselves...groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as children of God, the redemption of our bodies.  For in this hope we were saved...if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience."

~Romans 8:22-24

Consider...

    When I begin to think about preparing my heart to leave ministry here in Nsoko and eventually head back to Colorado, there are so many things that come to my mind.  Bittersweet doesn't even begin to describe the many different feelings I have felt over the last weeks and months.  But the more I reflect on things and look back at pictures and think of times with different people, the more I am humbled and amazed at God's faithfulness.  

   In the grocery store today, one of my favorite gogos hugged me & wouldn't let go.  I first met her in 2012 as she was collecting caterpillars as we sat under the tree and she told us how she struggled to provide for the three grandchildren that she was caring for.  Two of them are double orphans, and it's been a blessing and a privilege to walk with them the past few years - seeing her cry tears of joy over a birthday cake and a wheelbarrow on her birthday last year, seeing her excitement and relief when we took the kids to get school shoes, seeing her cry and immediately start praying as we gave her an audio Bible earlier this year.  And even today, hearing her describe her gratefulness over a chicken we gave her 2 months ago to eat.  God has been (and will continue to be) faithful in her life as she has prayed desperate and mighty prayers to Him. 

   As we were walking through another part of the grocery store, we saw another old friend - who called us a month or so ago to ask us to come pray with him because he thought he was dying.  This man who we have known for years, and who we watched as he lovingly and selflessly cared for his disabled sister.  We saw his curiosity over the stories Jesus told in the Bible, and we saw his helplessness when his sister eventually died and he called us to help get her body to the morgue because they didn't have any options.  God has been (and will continue to be) faithful to him as he seeks Him in a land of brokenness.  

   As we were leaving the grocery store, I saw another friend - a young woman who was beaten so badly by her grandmother that she couldn't walk for many years.  She is a double orphan who cares for her older brother, who is disabled and also a younger sister who is still in school.  God has been (and will continue to be) faithful to them as they walk through a life of suffering, hoping in Him when there isn't much earthly hope for them.  

    As I have said many times before, I feel like I am sitting in the front row of a movie theater, watching the many ways God is at work here in Nsoko...and it just so happens to be my life!  And as the blog is titled - this is just one blink of my eye - one view of how God is at work here.  So as I reflect back on the last 5 years of ministry here with AIM and CHC, I am going to share some of those reflections here - partly to thank you for your prayers, support, encouragement, and friendships; partly to help my own heart process the different feelings that I am feeling; but mostly to praise and glorify God for the great things He has done (and continues to do) in us, through us, and around us in Nsoko.  Join me over the next few weeks as I share here on my blog some of the many ways He has been at work here in Nsoko!

"Only fear the Lord and serve him faithfully with all your heart. 
For consider what great things he has done for you."
~ 1 Samuel 12:24