Battling Anxiety

I am surrounded by people battling anxiety...it seems that no matter where I go, in whatever crowd, country, or place, I meet people of all ages who struggle with anxiety. And I know that even though I don't experience it like some, I do my share of causing anxiety to my family by following God's call to some unpopular places! Jesus promised us, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." (John 14:27). This is a great promise to remember, but recently I have been reflecting on a blog by John Piper, where he gives practical & specific verses to battle different kinds of anxiety with:
- When I am anxious about some risky new venture or meeting, I battle unbelief with the promise: "Fear not for I am with you, be not dismayed for I am your God; I will help you, I will strengthen you, I will uphold you with my victorious right hand" (Isaiah 41:10).
- When I am anxious about being too weak to do my work, I battle unbelief with the promise of Christ, "My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness" (2 Corinthians 12:9), and "As your days so shall your strength be" (Deuteronomy 33:25).
- When I am anxious about decisions I have to make about the future, I battle unbelief with the promise, "I will instruct you and teach you the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you" (Psalm 32:8).
- When I am anxious about facing opponents, I battle unbelief with the promise, "If God is for us who can be against us!" (Romans 8:31).
- When I am anxious about being sick, I battle unbelief with the promise that "tribulation works patience, and patience approvedness, and approvedness hope, and hope does not make us ashamed" (Romans 5:3-5).
- When I am anxious about getting old, I battle unbelief with the promise, "Even to your old age I am he, and to gray hairs I will carry you. I have made, and I will bear; I will carry and will save" (Isaiah 46:4).
- When I am anxious about dying, I battle unbelief with the promise that "none of us lives to himself and none of us dies to himself; if we live we live to the Lord and if we die we die to the Lord. So whether we live or die we are the Lord's. For to this end Christ died and rose again: that he might be Lord both of the dead and the living" (Romans 14:9-11).
- When I am anxious that I may make shipwreck of faith and fall away from God, I battle unbelief with the promise, "He who began a good work in you will complete it unto the day of Christ" (Philippians 1:6). "He who calls you is faithful. He will do it" (1 Thessalonians 5:23). "He is able for all time to save those who draw near to God through him, since he always lives to make intercession for them" (Hebrews 7:25).
- When I am anxious about my ministry being useless and empty, I fight unbelief with the promise, "So shall my word that goes forth from my mouth; it will not come back to me empty but accomplish that which I purpose, and prosper in the thing for which I sent it" (Isaiah 55:11).

"Be still and know that I am God."
~Psalm 46:10

Schooled in the Gospel by a 4 year old

Recently, while my nephew and I were chopping & freezing apples, we were practicing his memory verse for Awana:

"for my eyes have seen your salvation" (Luke 2:30).

We were talking about what salvation means, and after some clarifications from me, he said, "So we are the apples' salvation from the worms & birds eating them because we picked them first." Yep, right on, professor 4 year old! I was reminded & humbled of how simple the Gospel is by my nephew! The apples needed help if they were not to be destroyed by worms & birds, and helpless to do it themselves, they needed a savior. They didn't need an example of how not to be worm infested, they didn't need encouragement not to be worm infested, they needed a savior to do something they were helpless to do themselves!
The Gospel is that simple, even though we so often try to make it more difficult than that. Reality is, I need a savior - not an example, not encouragement, but a savior to pay a price I am utterly helpless to pay...and the bigger reality is that IT HAS BEEN PAID! Through the cross, I get to exchange my sin (and all of the guilt, consequences, & death that go with it) for Christ's righteousness & eternal life...and I don't have to worry about being eaten by worms! Lord, thank you for the simplicities & complexities in the Gospel...keep them both in the front of my mind & fresh on my heart!
And yes, immediately following the profound statement about salvation, my nephew asked me if I was done chopping apples yet so that we could play operation. And yes, the analogy breaks down because the apples will be eaten by us instead of by worms and birds...and I'm looking forward to it!

Now & Later - more than just a chewy candy!

What do you think about? Do you spend much time thinking about the future?
My sister is 8 months pregnant, and it is causing our whole family to think a little more about the future - wanting to meet this new little boy or girl, wondering how its 2 older siblings will respond to it, dreaming about the baby's personality, passions, gifts, looks, and future.
Yet what if I told you that my sister and her husband haven't changed their lifestyle at all since finding out they are pregnant with their third child. What if they didn't consider their insurance plan, their birth plan, prepare their other two children for it, buy maternity clothes, buy prenatal vitamins, go to the midwife, stop drinking caffeine, prepare a place in their house for the baby, etc. You would probably say they are crazy and so would I! It would be as if they are living in denial of this upcoming event, as if that's going to change anything about the event happening.
Realistically, their knowledge of this future event (birth of the baby) should inform how they live for these 9 months and they should be preparing for that! We don't call pregnant women "expecting" for nothing!
Yet, my confession this morning is that so often I live my Christian life focused more on now in this present world than later in eternity...and I end up looking like I am crazy and in denial. As if denying or not thinking about eternity is going to change whether it happens or not. Regardless of how I live or believe, history isn't cyclical, Jesus is coming back, there will be a day of judgment, there will be a day of redemption & restoration. But it doesn't mean that we are to sit around with our silly formulas trying to figure out when Jesus is coming back (that would be as stupid as my sister & brother in law sitting around using formula trying to figure out exactly when the baby is coming), but rather we should let the reality of the future events inform how we live today. We should live in expectant anticipation!
How would I live today KNOWING that Jesus is coming back, that I will stand before a judge, knowing that the injustices and bad things will be redeemed and restored? How would my life be different today if I lived not just thinking about now, but also about later?

“If you read history you will find that the Christians who did most for the present world were precisely those who thought most of the next. It is since Christians have largely ceased to think of the other world that they have become so ineffective in this [world].”
~ C.S. Lewis

Glorifying God in Daily Life

What is life about? Some have answered that "The chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever"(Westminster Catechism). I can imagine what it is like to enjoy God, but what does it look like to glorify Him? Is it something we can only do in worship on Sunday mornings, or can it happen other times and other places too? What does this look like in between running errands, meeting with people, going to class, cleaning the house, taking care of kids, etc.? The key to glorifying God is to remember that it isn't something we can do on our own, but rather something the Holy Spirit does through us as we are connected to God through Christ. It isn't something else to add to our to do list, but rather a lifestyle that should overflow out of our relationship with the Lord. Kevin DeYoung offers 20 biblical ways that we can glorify God in our everyday life:

1. Give God verbal declarations of praise (Rev. 4:8-9).
2. Live a life of noticeable piety (Matt. 5:16; James 1:27; 1 Peter 2:12)
3. Ask God for things in Jesus' name (John 14:13).
4. Bear fruit and show yourself to be a disciple of Jesus (John 15:8).
5. Declare the truth about Jesus (John 16:14).
6. Love your life less than God (John 21:19; 1 Peter 1:7, 4:16).
7. Worship God as God (Rom. 1:21).
8. Life a life of sexual purity (1 Cor. 6:20).
9. Live a life of generosity (2 Cor. 9:13).
10. Rejoice in God's glory displayed in creation (Psalm 19:1).
11. Do the works of faith (2 Thess. 1:12).
12. Use your gifts in God's strength (1 Peter 4:11).
13. Make sure everyone knows you're not God (Acts 12:23).
14. Live a life of gratitude (Psalm 50:23; 2 Cor. 4:15).
15. In matters of liberty, seek the good of others (1 Cor. 10:31).
16. Extend grace to sinners (2 Cor. 8:19).
17. Be a part of a local church (2 Cor. 8:23; Eph. 3:20-21).
18. Tell God you are wrong and he is right (Josh. 7:19; Jer. 13:16; Rev. 16:9).
19. Obey God (Lev. 10:3; Mal. 2:2).
20. Go from a Christ-despiser to a Christ-worshiper (Gal. 1:24).

What Am I Doing?

I started this blog focused around sharing what God was doing through my trip to Swaziland, and now that I've finally posted so many that I wrote during and about that trip, it's going to be changing a little to various topics. I have found that I really agree with the quote "I write when I learn, I learn when I write" and God is using this blog to continue that pattern. Some days, I continue to ask myself "What am I doing?" and trying to convince myself that it would be ok to quit blogging since I haven't done that much, but I know that God is challenging me through this process & discipline. Writing and journaling helps me to pray through things, process things, gain perspective on things, give things to God, and so much more. So for this next season, these are some of the themes that are on my heart that you can expect me to be writing about:
~ attempting to live life daily surrendered to God...resting in the reality of the Gospel...trying to comprehend that I am more sinful than I can ever fear, but more loved than I can ever imagine. There have been many things/people/quotes that God has used to spur me on in my relationship with Him, and the best thing I can do is to pass those on!
~ wrestling through the call that God has put on my life as a full time missionary - here in Denver and to the ends of the earth. During this season of in betweens where I haven't found the right fit with what God is calling me to do with missions, I know that He has called me to keep serving Him each and every day.
~ reluctantly letting go of our family farm and all of the lovely emotional baggage & crap that comes with sorting through and packing lots of family items. As I have begun to dig through the attic, there have been so many memories coming already, that I hope to write & share some of them here.

I know that through God's sovereignty, He puts specific topics on my heart for me to write about...for His glory, for my joy, and hopefully for your benefit, so know that I am praying for that as I write & share these blogs!

Rejoice With Those Who Rejoice

One morning as we were at the care point waiting for the food to be ready for the kids, we started singing a few songs with the preschoolers (any where from 1 yr olds to 6 yr olds). We went through the familiar ones, and then they started singing a song that said,

“The Lord is going to bless someone today....it may be you, it may be me, it may be somebody else.”

I was humbled by the fact that these kids, who have so little, who have been through so much, and who have a very hard life ahead of them are singing about how they can rejoice when others around them are blessed.
So often our first impulse when someone near us is blessed is to ask where our blessing is, or how we can earn it, or what we didn’t do right....yet true community and God-honoring love comes when we put others before ourselves. To be able to truly rejoice when someone else gets blessed, and not ask "why didn't I get that?" To be able to truly grieve with someone who grieves, without our first thought being, "Whew! I'm glad that didn't happen to me!"
God took me half way around the world to teach me through a bunch of preschoolers that I have a long way to go before I can say with integrity that I live out the command in Romans 12:15...

"Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.”

Be Careful Little Eyes What You See...

“Be careful little eyes what you see, be careful little eyes what you see, for the Father up above is looking down in love, so be careful little eyes what you see.”

This familiar children’s song is often used in teachings on purity, encouraging us to filter what images we watch on tv, look at magazines, etc. We know that we will be held accountable for all of the images we see, and that those images will affect our minds, even if we just glance at them for a second. I once heard someone say "You become what you behold" implying that what we look at will shape who we are.
Yet what about images of another nature...images of children eating crayons because they are so hungry, images of fathers patching holes in mud & grass houses, images of gogos putting food in their bags to take home to share with hungry family members, images of women in tears rejoicing over a month’s worth of food, images of a mother’s tears as she prepares to die and leave her sons motherless, images of a new orphan who doesn’t grasp the full impact of what just happened as his mother died, images of people hungry for God, images of children wearing clothes that are so worn down that they are see-through, images of illiterate people hanging on every word as someone reads the Bible, images of the three wet wipes it takes to clean one child's face, images of people unable to grasp the gift of a book that they can keep forever because they have no possessions....and so many more.
Those images also affect us, but in God’s sovereignty, He allows us to see things in order to take action. We live in a culture that is so bombarded by images that we are numb to most of what we see. Yet James admonishes us that if we see a brother or sister in need and don’t respond to that need, we need to take a second look at our faith that we claim to have (James 2: 14-17).
Our lives are to be full of actions...because of all that we have seen here in our lives, but also because through God's written revelation, we have seen how it ends. We know without a doubt that Christ will come again, that every part of this earth is groaning for redemption (Romans 8), that one day every knee will bow and tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, and that those who are in Christ will be raised to spend eternity with Him.

Yet with this glimpse of how it ends, God calls us to action.

He calls us to act now according to what we know will happen in the future...working towards His Kingdom coming, working towards reconciliation, seeing things in this world for the temporary gifts they are, putting our hope in eternity instead of the fleeting circumstances of today. Just as pregnant parents would be fools to not prepare and start living in the reality of the child soon to come, we would be fools to not prepare and start living in the reality of eternity that is to come!

Pictures I Did Take...Part 2

Here are a few more...

What's In A Name?

One of my favorite things about the Siswati language is the depth of meaning in their words. Each person knows the meaning of their name, and often there are words that are so unique and specific in meaning that they carry a special significance. In church, our pastor used “basatwani”(I have no idea how to spell it, but this is what it sounds like) at the end of almost every sentence...and it is a word specifically for the people of God/family of God. It is more that just saying my brothers and sisters in Christ, but implies a deeper community and a sanctified people, set apart for the Lord. Last year when I was in Swaziland, we met a young woman who was unexpectedly pregnant and gave birth while we were still in the country. As I visited with her when her baby was a couple of weeks old, I asked her what her new daughter’s name meant...and wasn’t surprised when she said “God knew her in the womb”.
It is amazing to me how someone’s name isn’t merely their present identity, but is many times prophetic over their lives...the teacher who works endlessly to cook for the kids, teach the kids, make Timbali purses, as well as care for her own family is named Gcobile...meaning “one who does good works.” So I was excited and convicted as I met my special friend, a little 3 year old boy who my nephew and I will support, write to, and pray for over the next 15 years...and found out his name is Kuhlakani, which means “he prays.”
Praise God that He knows how He will wire us, gift us, burden us, and use us for His glory...and how He can move the hearts of parents to name their children in a way that declares this!

“Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” Psalm 139:16

Pictures I Did Take...

A lot of these are up on Facebook already, but I thought I would post a few of my favorites here too...it may take a couple of days' posts to do it!

Pictures I Didn't Take...

One of my traditions I have started doing on the plane ride home from anywhere is making a list of "Pictures I Didn't Take" on each trip. Most of the times, these are moments when it would just be impersonal and awkward to pull out a camera to take a picture during these special times; others I simply didn't have my camera with me...but for most of them, a camera wouldn't begin to capture the moment! Here are just a few from this trip:

• getting out of the van our last morning at the care point to have a little boy that I had been building relationship with all week walk over to me to pick him up
• knocking that same little boy over later that same day...I was standing at our van talking to our driver, and didn't realize this little boy had walked around the van to follow me, and was about to grab onto my leg, but I didn't see him and turned to walk away from the van and walked right into him.
  
• seeing the red sun set every afternoon over the hills as we drove on the bumpy, dusty, dirt road back to our hotel
• having random strangers and children wave to us as we drove past
  
• talking to myself, to remind myself I was driving in Africa on the left side of the road, as I drove one of the missionary's car to run an errand
• watching the women of the church give gifts to the pastor & his wife (for pastor appreciation Sunday) and pray for a long time over he & his wife
• seeing elementary aged kids caring for their younger brothers & sisters as if they were their parents
• watching a high school girl's eyes light up over the dress she was given
• having the kids allow us as complete strangers wash their faces and give them new & clean clothes to wear
• watching my teammates gently & tenderly wash children's feet
• hearing about the children laying hands on one of the missionaries to pray for her headache to go away
• talking with a hotel employee as I sat outside drinking coffee & reading my Bible one morning
• going on a home-visit where all of the logs holding up the corners of the house were completely missing the bottom 2 feet of the log, and wondering to myself how the house was staying up
• seeing random flowers & signs of life in fields that looked full of dead grass & weeds
• seeing kids play soccer barefoot, stopping every so often to pull a 2 inch long thorn out of their foot
  

Priceless...

As I have had a few days to begin processing our trip, there are so many images & moments that stand out in my mind. I keep thinking of the MasterCard commercials, and this is my version: new outfits for 135 kids: $1350; new shoes for 135 kids: $1350; new school supplies & backpacks for 135 kids: $1350; hearing 135 kids pray & sing about the hope they have in the Lord: PRICELESS!
Don't get me wrong, it was great to be able to bless them physically and lavish gifts upon them, but it was moments of hearing them pray the Lord's prayer that brought tears to my eyes. In a world that is so quickly passing away because of AIDS and poverty, the material gifts that we can give them only go so far. But to know that these children are hearing about the eternal hope and salvation that Christ came to give us is priceless...because no matter what happens to their parents, to them, to their country...they can have eternal hope in Jesus Christ! Please continue to pray with me that their hearts would be open to the Gospel, and that the Holy Spirit would be at work in their hearts, enabling them to respond to the offer of eternal life & hope! Please continue to pray with me for the missionaries, Swazi discipleship-team, and the gogo's who pour into these kids regularly.

What sticks?

For many of us, going to church and listening to teachings, podcasts, sermons is a regular part of our lives. But how much do you remember? Can you remember even the main passage or point of the message from last Sunday? How about one from last month or even last year? For many of us we are so inundated by so much information that we don't have time to process it all, let alone hope that it sticks to our memory, or that we might have time to meditate on it! But the Lord reminded me last week that this is not the case in Swaziland...or in most places of the world. In many places people are lucky if they can read and have a copy of the Bible. Some are lucky enough to have pastors who faithfully preach the Word or lead Bible studies. But many are longing for Christian fellowship and Biblical teaching, and when they get it, it sticks in their minds and in their hearts and God uses it to transform them.
Last year, one of the things I did as a team leader in Swaziland was to lead teachings several evenings a week. One of our Swazi ministry partners always loved to come to those times - he was so hungry for the Bible, for worship, and for fellowship that it didn't bother him that he would be hanging out with a bunch of American girls - he just wanted to grow. I never thought much about it at the time, but last week I had a conversation with this old friend that made me think twice.
One afternoon, we were finishing up at the carepoint and saying goodbye to those on the D-team that we wouldn't see again on our trip when he asked if he could ask me a question. I said sure, not having a clue what direction he would go with the question. But he asked if I remembered a quote I used in a teaching last November about being satisfied in the Lord. He said he has been thinking about it for a year and that it has changed his relationship with the Lord, and he was just wondering if I could write it down for him.
I don't remember the exact quote, but I know it was from a sermon that John Piper preached, where he talked about being satisfied in the Lord. He said that for him personally, he must get in the Bible each morning and be satisfied in the Lord before anything else...because if he isn't satisfied in the Lord, he is going to look to everything and everyone else in his day to satisfy him. And here is this young Swazi man, who knows through the poverty in his life that satisfaction can't come from material possessions (because they have so little) and satisfaction can't come from relationships (because life in Swaziland is so fleeting) and is now beginning to experience the reality that true satisfaction comes only from the Lord.
I praise God that He used that one quote from one teaching to draw one Swazi closer to his heart this year! And that He used that conversation last week to remind me to meditate on the many things He is trying to teach me...that they might bear fruit in my life and my relationship with Him for His glory and my joy.

"You open your hand; You satisfy the desire of every living thing."
- Psalm 145:16

A Hard Walk Down A Dusty Road

I write this hesitantly because one of the things I hate about blogs, blogging, bloggers, etc. is that they/we often put things out there that are not our stories to tell. But I am going to go ahead and post this story of one of our home visits in Swaziland for 3 reasons: 1. It is one example of what I've seen now in so many situations...it could be one of many kids in Swaziland or around the world, there's nothing unique about this story, just that it's fresh on my mind. 2. It is a story that needs to be told to a numb, apathetic, affluent, American Christian - to bring reality to life. 3. It is a story that I (as a numb, apathetic, affluent, American Christian) am apt to forget as I leave this culture where poverty is all around me and I head back to my comfortable life...and I don't want to forget it or be numb!

We walked with the boy for several minutes before he pointed and said his homestead was right there. The road we were on was so dusty, and the air so still, that we would all turn away for several minutes until the dust settled when a truck went by. We walked through the opening in the stick and thornbush fence as several cattle lay near by and chickens ran about. The boy ran and got a grass-woven mat and a chair, and brought them over to spread out under the tree several yards from the house. The homestead consisted of a few buildings - a loose stick hut that served as a kitchen, two concrete buildings (about 8 x 10 feet) that were where the adults slept, and a mud & stick hut with a thatched roof where several children slept. The thatched roof had several places where it had fallen apart, leaving it with several holes that were over 6 inches in diameter.
As we women maneuvered to take our shoes off before stepping on the mat to sit down on the ground, the men sat on the chairs, and the boy ran to the field to get his gogo (grandmother). She quickly and quietly came back, followed closely by a 4 year old girl wearing only a sun bleached piece of fabric wrapped around her like a skirt.
When we shared with the woman and talked, she told about how we could pray for her. She shared her health struggles - mostly common ailments of a hard life of a poverty-stricken, hungry, water deprived person in a third world country - sore feet, legs, headache, backache. She couldn't have been over 60, yet her eyes looked much older because of her experiences, and she was still taking care of so many others!
Before we laid hands on her to pray, she had her grandson fetch a coat so she could cover herself as we prayed. I held her hand - weathered by years of hard work outside & caked with dirt in every possible crack. After we prayed with her, we blessed her with a gift of a bag of food and supplies. She sat quietly as we laid out the corn meal, sardines, soap, candles, sugar, tea, matches, beans, and oil. What would cost about $30, and last us Americans less than a week would last this woman and her entire family from two weeks to a month...and she wiped away tears at this gift from strangers.
As we walked along the road back toward where we had come from, "Siyabonga kakuhlu" was what she repeated - "Thank you so much!" And we told her the same thing we had been teaching the children all day...we love because He first loved us.