"Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her. And there I will give her her vineyards and make the Valley of Achor a door of hope."
~Hosea 2:14-15
We had been hiking, camping, climbing and living together for over 20 days at this point. I had been carrying everything I needed to live in my backpack, and we were only half way through this trip. I was sick of the mosquitoes (which weren't that bad), I was frustrated by the guys being able to go to the bathroom anywhere & the girls having to walk a ways to find a good spot, but I was getting used to icy mountain lake water to bathe in, I was loving the simplicity of it all, I thrived in the physically challenging aspects of our trip, I was starting to really enjoy the food we were cooking, and I was more aware of God's presence every moment of every day.
But there were moments when I wondered why the Lord brought me out on this 6 week backpacking trip, and what the purpose of it really was. I felt guilty being away from work & school, felt weird because I loved this life & wondered if I could find a job where I lived out in the wilderness full time, felt guilty because even though I was earning school credit for this, I was enjoying it too much, but I had no doubt that God was sovereign over my being there and looked forward to how He was going to reveal Himself to me. And as I was spending time in the Word one morning before hitting the trail, He brought me to Hosea 2:14-15 and spoke to me...
~God was the one who had called me out into this wilderness of a 40 day backpacking trip.
~God called me out away from everything normal in my life to speak to me.
~God called me to leave everything else back at home that was distracting me from Him, and just let it be Him & me.
~God wasn't just going to speak to me, but wanted to speak tenderly to me.
~God wanted to speak to me to refine me in order to bring fruit to the barren areas of my heart and life.
~God wanted to restore the troubled places in my life & bring hope to these areas.
God had invited me to spend 40 days focused on Him, without having to worry about grocery shopping, bill paying, working, worrying about what to wear, and the other pressures of life. Yes, I had to carry everything I needed in my backpack; yes, I would be pushed physically to challenge myself every day; yes, I would experience great fellowship & community among our team...but if I pushed that to the side, I realized that God had called me away to speak to me & continue His work of transformation in my heart and life, laying down foundations for how He would lead me & use me in the future in my life & ministry.
We had been hiking, camping, climbing and living together for over 20 days at this point. I had been carrying everything I needed to live in my backpack, and we were only half way through this trip. I was sick of the mosquitoes (which weren't that bad), I was frustrated by the guys being able to go to the bathroom anywhere & the girls having to walk a ways to find a good spot, but I was getting used to icy mountain lake water to bathe in, I was loving the simplicity of it all, I thrived in the physically challenging aspects of our trip, I was starting to really enjoy the food we were cooking, and I was more aware of God's presence every moment of every day.
But there were moments when I wondered why the Lord brought me out on this 6 week backpacking trip, and what the purpose of it really was. I felt guilty being away from work & school, felt weird because I loved this life & wondered if I could find a job where I lived out in the wilderness full time, felt guilty because even though I was earning school credit for this, I was enjoying it too much, but I had no doubt that God was sovereign over my being there and looked forward to how He was going to reveal Himself to me. And as I was spending time in the Word one morning before hitting the trail, He brought me to Hosea 2:14-15 and spoke to me...~God was the one who had called me out into this wilderness of a 40 day backpacking trip.
~God called me out away from everything normal in my life to speak to me.
~God called me to leave everything else back at home that was distracting me from Him, and just let it be Him & me.
~God wasn't just going to speak to me, but wanted to speak tenderly to me.
~God wanted to speak to me to refine me in order to bring fruit to the barren areas of my heart and life.
~God wanted to restore the troubled places in my life & bring hope to these areas.
God had invited me to spend 40 days focused on Him, without having to worry about grocery shopping, bill paying, working, worrying about what to wear, and the other pressures of life. Yes, I had to carry everything I needed in my backpack; yes, I would be pushed physically to challenge myself every day; yes, I would experience great fellowship & community among our team...but if I pushed that to the side, I realized that God had called me away to speak to me & continue His work of transformation in my heart and life, laying down foundations for how He would lead me & use me in the future in my life & ministry.
I long, sometimes, to feel connected to God. In ways, I feel him moving me along, but often it's as if I'm on one of those airport walkways. I know I'm moving but I don't feel connected. I want the wilderness, the solitude, the quiet, for all too often life is too busy and loud to hear...hear that still small voice. The daily challenges seem to drown out what I want to feel in my heart, which is God's presence. I see things, things that seem to lead toward God's purpose.I've seen them before in different places. I tried to follow them, only to find wall after wall preventing me from doing what I thought was God's will. Going where I thought He was leading me. As it turns out, I am not even certain how to discern whether it is God or my own desires. How do you know? This realization comes at such a strange time...a time when it seems God is leading again. I can feel the excitement in my heart, but it sits right next the the uncertainty that I might be going down a path of my own design. How do you know? I've been here before, on this path. I've seen these uncertain markers. How do you know? When does God tell me that it is the right path?
ReplyDelete